Rejection

Turned down from a school I didn't really care about.  Not too broken up about it.  Especially since I didn't exactly put my best into the interview.  Three more months until I hear from my number one.  Then I can plan my life.

Silly Tuesday, why are you so busy?

Cat sitting isn't fun when you can't find the house.  At least my kitten is safely stored in the basement for people that are coming over to give him kibble.

I got my hair cut today for the first time since the summer.  And it feels glorious.  As an added benefit, I no longer look like a hobo.

One of my work friends decided to have game night, which meant I was playing games with two friends and three of their friends.  Hello wine...

Kittenface is riled up because he's been in the basement most of the day.  Poor little boy.  Hopefully he keeps his pointy claws and teeth to himself.

One month.

Boyfriend is gone until after New Years.  Now it's just me and catface.  Sadly today was my last day off until January 6th.  In the plus side, I am drastically cutting my hours at the lab on the 13th because I was offered a position teaching next semester.  It's a bit of a pay cut, but I'll also have to work about half as many hours, which is exciting.  I'm a little bit nervous because I've never taught before, and I'll only be about six years older than the students.  Hopefully they aren't too much trouble.  Plus I have about a month to get the syllabus ready and prepare for class.

At least I remember to feed the cat.

I'm curious as to when I am going to get my life figured out.  It seems as though I can only do one thing at a time.  Reflecting on my recent past, that thing is not taking care of myself, taking care of my house, taking care of my bank account, taking care to do my homework, or taking care of boyfriend.

Did I miss November?

Don't get me wrong, I think the Salvation Army is great.  Every year I donate some of my modest funds to the volunteers that are out there ringing bells in the dead of winter.  That being said, is it just me, or is their bell ringing starting a little early this year?  I saw someone out with a bucket, bell, and santa hat the other week....the first week of November.  Just like the Christmas music that has already started to take over my life, I feel like this Christmas tradition is starting a little early.

One more month

This past week I had an interview at my first choice school.  Hopefully it went well.  I won't find out until March, but I've already started looking at apartment ads.  Clearly I'm finished with this town and ready to move on to the next.  I have to get through one more month of school first, however.  Still, I'm one step closer to where I want to be!

So it's been a while

Here's a quick run down of current events in my life.


Awesome:
New kitten. I was accepted to medical school.  I graduate with my MPH in a little over a month.  


No so awesome:
(Almost) everyone at my job decided to go crazy.  


In related news, I've applied for a few different jobs.  I feel a little bad about getting a new job when I know I'm moving in seven-ish months, but I really don't care, because my current job makes me sad.  


Anyway, I thought I would get back into writing on here so that I have something to do besides sleep on the couch all afternoon.

Today was a hot mess

Apparently finals week, moving, filling out med school applications and working 60 hour weeks leaves little time for blogging.  I wanted to update and start keeping track of the internship I'm doing this summer.  Which today included standing outside selling sausages for three hours, some of which were cheese filled, to raise money for food pantries.  And yes, I do see the irony of holding an event with the sole purpose of selling lots of really unhealthy food to county employees in order to raise money to buy food.  If it hadn't been the hottest day of the year so far it might even have been fun.


I have to turn in a form by Monday saying what my project will be this summer.  The problem is that I have no idea what my project will be.  I think the other intern is going to revamp the website.  Too bad I don't think something like that is comparable to a master's thesis, which is what my project is supposed to be.  Everyone in the division has really cool stuff going on, but no one has really said what they need help with, so I don't know what kind of project to do.  Oh well, hopefully I'll get it figured out by Monday.

Good News

It's been awhile, and that time was spent in a mixture of success and depressed sulking in front of the television.  So, to focus on the positive...


Two weekends ago, my team won first place in the Clarion competition.  Outstanding.  After a two hour flight delay, and an unscheduled stop to refuel, we finally made it to Minneapolis.  We gave a solid presentation, and felt that if anyone beat us they seriously deserved it.  Apparently we were correct, because we won!


Yesterday, my MCAT scores were released.  I managed to raise my score 5 points, which I am really excited about.  A few friends from work took me out to Flat Branch to celebrate.  The four of us ended up with five plates of appetizers, and it was delicious.  I also tried a new beer.  It came out much darker than I was expecting,  but it turned out pretty good.


If only school and work had been going as well.  However, it's only two weeks until semester's end, and I get to move back to KC and see my friends from highschool.  I'll also be living in my childhood bedroom, right next door to my parents.  That should be interesting.  Hopefully they'll realize that I haven't lived with them in six year, and that if I was making a paycheck this summer I wouldn't be living with them now.....

We have bad neighbors

I've lived in my duplex for eight months, and I've never seen my crazy neighbor lady.  Since boyfriend lived here for three years before I did he's seen her several times, but I've only heard stories... until yesterday. 

I walked out the door on my way to class, and there she was.  Sitting on her front steps with a cardboard box that was about three feet tall.  It appeared that she was pulling leaves out from under the bushes.  A little strange, gardening with a cardboard box.  I also didn't realize she cared that much about the appearance of the yard since I've never seen her outside and they let their dog roam around all over (including our yard) without cleaning up after it.  However, the way she stopped working to watch me as I walked across my front lawn to my car was a little unsettling.  


My second encounter with crazy neighbor lady occurred later that night.  Boyfriend got the brunt of the exposure, I merely heard snippets of the conversation from inside.  Apparently she has been experiencing paranormal activity since moving in, and wanted to compare notes with someone. My favorite was when she said she hears noises late at night like a mother going to comfort a crying baby, or like children playing outside.  "Kids shouldn't be outside at night like that."  While that may be true, boyfriend and I definitely do not have children, so I don't know why she thinks we care about children being outside.


I just hope this paranormal activity convinces her, her creepy shirtless husband, and their annoying dog to move somewhere else.

Locked Out

Last night I kept having variations of the same dream over and over.  I kept getting locked out.  Sometimes I had my keys, and sometimes I didn't.  I would get halfway down the street, turn around and go back to the door, and not be able to get in.  If I had keys with me I would try all of them on the ring and nothing would fit the lock.  Then it would start pouring rain.


It wasn't my real life street or my apartment.  In the dream it wasn't really my apartment either.  I think I was visiting friends.  However, it was exactly the same over and over.  There was even a cafe under the apartment, and each time I was locked out I would look through the window to see if there was anyone I knew inside.  I never saw anyone I knew in the cafe, but somehow I kept getting back into the apartment.

Procrastination is Seductive

As usual, I've dug myself into a hole.  I have three papers due at the beginning of next week.  Despite the cold, snowy weather we had last week over spring break I did not use that time to do any homework.  I was scheduled to have this upcoming weekend off, and I thought I would have plenty of time to do everything.  Yesterday, however, a boy at work asked if I could work for him this weekend.  So now, the weather is beautiful and I want to be doing anything but homework, and I'm stuck inside.  Somehow I always manage to do this to myself.  Even now, when I should be writing my papers I'm here, writing in this blog.  If they gave grades for procrastination I would have a 4.0 and be outside enjoying the sunshine right now.  I keep telling myself it's only four more weeks until the end of the semester, but that thought isn't very bracing when I have an internship this summer.  The other day I heard someone mention "volunteering at an internship."  I thought it was a much more graceful way of saying 40 hours a week of unpaid labor.  Still, it's better than writing a thesis.  Clearly if I had to do that I would never graduate because I would procrastinate until being forced to finish in my eighth year.  

Somehow, I just can't get interested in writing an needs assessment for the LGBT community in Missouri.  Not that I don't think it's an important topic.  Not that I don't think actually doing that needs assessment would be interesting, because it would be.  I just am not excited about designing how to do such an assessment, particularly because it's all fictional.  "Who would be measuring this data?"  I have no idea, because I don't even know what organization is doing this fictional assessment.  I think it's a little unrealistic to give us an assignment that is so dependent on who is requesting the assessment without telling us who is requesting it.  Not that I would expect anything different from my classes at this point.  That's how I ended up designing a sex ed program that would cost the state hundreds of thousands of dollars last semester.  And I got an A.  Unfortunately, with the way this professor grades I am not expecting the same outcome for this paper.

And It's April...

Spring break was a successful week of doing nothing productive.  Unfortunately, now the real world is back and I have two huge papers due in a week that I have yet to begin working on.  Oh dear.  Also, we get a new employee tomorrow.  That means that in addition to the normal Monday fun of going in at 7:30 am after closing at 11:30 the night before I get to train someone tomorrow morning.  That should be fun.  Clearly being tired from a lack of sleep and cranky about my vacation from school ending will make me excellent at training.  I should just call in sick for the rest of the week.  The afternoon boy can train her.  And by train I mean take his usual three hour lunch break.

This upcoming week is National Public Health Week.  This week was supposed to be exciting, but it isn't.  I was sick on the day of our planning meeting, and the other execs in our PH organization have neglected to fill me in on the activities.  If they aren't able to answer an email I don't feel the need to help them man tables and pass out free stuff to a bunch of indifferent undergrads all day on the mall.  It's frustrating because this is the second group I've been on the executive board for where all the other execs were friends and they just stopped including me in things.  I don't understand why people are so ridiculous. 

Basically I'm just counting down the days until I can move out of this stupid town.  I'm extra frustrated this year because I won't be around during the summer, and summer is the only time I like this place.  There aren't any students around, and there are plenty of fun things to do and restaurant patios to eat on.  Instead I get to eat with my parents every night and hang out in my old bedroom until I go to sleep.  Awesome.

Snail Mail

I'm bad about getting things mailed in a timely fashion.  It's partially that I'm lazy, but mostly I just hate the post office.  Finding a parking space is usually a nightmare, but that's nothing to actually being inside...

The other day I went to the post office to mail a package.  Not a big deal right?  There was a really long line, and since the parking meter I found that was still green from the last person only had six minutes left, I decided to use the self-service machine.  It has a rather large touch screen that walks you through every step, and I've used it several times before, so it shouldn't have been a problem.  Unfortunately, I look like an idiot, or at least the postal employee in the lobby thinks I do.  This man is the biggest waste of my tax dollars.  Apparently he has two jobs.  To stand in the lobby and show people where the end of the line is, and to get in my way. 

I was standing at the machine, about to touch the button to begin, when he walked over and said "you need to put your package here."  Really post office man?  My package goes on the scale with the big sticker that says 'place package here to weigh?' Good thing you were here, or I wouldn't know what to do!  Then, he reached past me to push the buttons on the screen for me.  Maybe if he was working at the counter and actually helping people that need help the line wouldn't be quite as long.  I managed to get rid of him and finish the (apparently daunting) task of getting postage for my parcel.  

Then, as I turned to leave, I discovered why he has his seemingly useless job.  Another postal patron walked up behind me and asked (although I'm pretty sure there's nothing about my jeans and t-shirt that says "hi I work at the post office, ask me questions"), "how do you use this here machine, can I mail my package here?"  Yes crazy lady in the post office, you can mail your package at the big machine that says "Buy stamps and mail packages here."

REM Sleep is a Crazy Place

Yesterday boyfriend and I watched a movie with a wedding in it.  Apparently that translated into my subconscious as 'yay, let's have a wedding dream.'  And it was very strange.  A friend of a friend is getting married in the near future.  While I do not expect to be invited to any wedding related festivities in real life, in my dream we were at her bridal shower.  In a bar.  If you knew this girl, it would probably make sense.  Anyway, I was getting bored, noticed four of my really close guy friends sitting close by, and went over to say hello.  About the time I was hugging all four of them and kissing their cheeks, my dream boyfriend walked in.  Dream boyfriend was not my real boyfriend, but rather the guy who plays Logan on Gilmore Girls.  He was less than pleased to find me hugging four men in a bar when I had said I was going to a bridal shower, glared at me, and stormed out.  The boys asked if it was my party, and I replied with something along the lines of 'do you really think I'd have it in a bar' mixed with 'no because boyfriend hasn't gotten around to asking me yet.'  Then I sat on one of the boys laps and hugged and kissed them all on the cheek again.  Evidently dream me is bitter and a little slutty, so it was for the best that my alarm clock finally got through to wake me up.

Could I Have a Tissue?

Summary of my morning: First, wake up late and find Mitch the guppy dead.  Get to work, and subsequently get yelled at over the phone by a doctor for 5-10 minutes for doing my job correctly.  Spend the next 20 minutes crying.  Finish working and go to the grocery store.  Return home to eat ice cream and watch Love Actually.  Awesome.

This afternoon boyfriend and I returned Mitch to the petstore and got another fish (14 day no questions asked return policy).  Unfortunately, petstore boy gave us the first fish he could catch, aka the slow sickly looking one.  I have a feeling we might be going back within the next 14 days.

Luckily the past two days were better.  After MCATing, a friend in KC and I went shopping, and I spent way too much money.  The next day boyfriend decided we needed a new television (even though we have two that work just fine).  Of course, new tv wouldn't fit in our entertainment center, so we also had to buy a new tv stand.  Buh-bye tax rebate, but our living room looks fancy.

My goals for the rest of break are to clean out the extra stuff around the house that we don't need, write the two papers I have due in April, and hunker down on my presentation.  The presentation is in two weeks (where has this semester gone?)  Let me just say that everyone in my group is lusting after that award money.  Hello $7500!  

Also, new roommate's contract was extended for another month, which means I think she's staying with us for a few new weeks.  It's good because she's nice, and a little extra cash is nice.  It's bad because sometimes I just want my uninterrupted weeknight routine.  Luckily the good outweighs the bad.  

Now, as long as I don't get reamed out again by a rude physician, this break should be pretty decent.  I anticipate movies and video games interfering with my goals....

Dr. could you spell your name?

Last summer I had a job in medical records.  Basically I came in at 8 am every day, sat in a cubicle in a corner and scanned old files into the computer all day.  The woman at the cubicle next to me played classical music on the radio, and I measured my progress in inches.  We typically had 150 inches of pending work, and on a good 8 hour day I could get through about 3 inches.  Basically it was the worst job I've ever had, and I've been an RA and worked in food service.


So, when the chance came up at the end of the summer to add more hours at my laboratory job and quit my med records job I jumped at the chance.  My lab job was interesting, the people were nice, and everyone knew that I was competent and reliable (because I am).  This background all leads up to why today was so frustrating.  By the end of my shift I was hiding in the back room, sitting on the floor, and telling my roommate about how I know I used to like my job, but I can't remember what that feels like.


We got a new supervisor in December, and that's when things started falling apart.  For a while it seemed like minor growing pains.  However, it's been over four months, and we're still running out of vital supplies every single week because he doesn't know how to order things.  He keeps talking about how he wants things to be safer, more efficient, and how he values employee feedback.  The only positive thing he's done, however, is to buy a swiffer duster for the lab so that I don't have to lug a ladder around the entire lab to clean the tops of the equipment once a month.


The past two weeks have really pushed me to the edge, and I want to quit my job.  It's a mixture of things really.  He's implemented new "safety procedures" regarding gram staining where we have to wear eye protection because "the organisms could aerosolize."  One, the organisms are dead, and two, if it's enough of a concern that they could touch our eyes shouldn't we be protected from breathing it in also?  Not to mention that the only information I could find online regarding gram stain safety is that sarafin can be irritating to the eyes.  If that was the reason he'd given I would be less upset, but I really dislike policies that have no foundation in anything.  By the way, unlike every other lab I've ever been in, eye glasses do not count as eye protection.  It isn't like we're working with acid or corrosive chemicals, I'm pretty sure my glasses will stop the flying [dead] bacteria from infecting my eyes.


The second thing that has really rubbed me the wrong way, especially with the new stringent "safety guidelines" is the fact that the hood I work under is broken.  I do one of the few tasks in the lab where bacteria could actually become airborne and infectious.  A few weeks ago, a maintenance worker noticed that the pressure in the hood was outside the safe range.  I assumed that our safety focused boss would be working to rectify the situation, which is why I've been surprised lately that nothing is being done.  Today I asked another employee about it, only to find out that, since our annual hood inspection is sometime in April, they've just decided to wait until that to fix it.  So, this issue was documented weeks ago, and then just left.  That makes me feel really safe.  Although since the only people that use that hood are myself, the weekend morning staff, and the temporary tech, I guess no one really cares.


Today was the breaking point.  Apparently our department managers want all the staff to follow "phone scripts" because we are too incompetent to talk on the phone without offending anyone.  So, my boss made a phone script, and had the techs revise it.  He then gave me two versions of the script to look over, one for the techs, and one for the call techs. The tech script was basically how I handle phone calls everyday, so it didn't really bother me.  What did bother me was the script for the call techs, which would be the one I would follow.  Essentially the only two options were taking the doctor's pager number so that a tech could call them back, or handing the phone off to a tech.  I asked my boss if this script meant that he no longer wanted call techs to give out results.  He said that he was unaware that we were capable of doing so.  Giving results to doctors is the main function of my job.  It's right there in the title, we call people with results and handle phone calls.  Everyone else at work was equally appalled when I mentioned that.  By the way, the second line of conversation after "how can I help you?" is "Dr. can you spell your name?"  If I were a doctor and someone treated me like that on the phone, I would just say "yes."  


Another aspect of my frustration stems from the fact that I won't be working days over the summer.  I told my boss that my degree required me to take an internship, and that I couldn't work weekdays for nine weeks.  I thought that was the end of it.  However, later he said to me "[another call tech] is going to help you out with your problem and take your weekend shifts."  I wasn't aware that I had a problem, and I was not aware that I was in charge of finding someone to take those hours for me, when they aren't officially even the hours listed for my position.


The other techs told my roommate that she is a bad influence on me because I've gotten more snarky and I've "used the f-word twice in the past three weeks."  Clearly my co-workers have just never seen me angry.  But if things keep up like this in the lab, they are going to see me angry more often.

Another Stellar Day.

This is going to be a pretty negative post, because today was a less than awesome day.  I was half an hour later than I wanted to be getting in to work today because I did not even hear my alarm clock go off.  After work I went home, took a shower, and got dressed up for a presentation I was giving later in the day.  Taking the shower almost made me late for class.  After class I stayed on campus to study for the MCAT for a few hours until I met with my Clarion group and our advisors.  We stumbled through our presentation (this was our first practice round) and then got a lot of negative feedback.  They did have some good things to say, and their feedback will be really helpful.  After the presentation, I checked my voicemail, and discovered that my MCAT has been cancelled.  I still had to trek across campus to my car, and by the time I got home my shoes had cut my foot so badly that it was covered in blood.  After that I sat on the couch and ate a handful of oreos and some cheesecake while watching HGTV.  I was just too tired and upset to do much else.  Now it's bed time, and I'm hoping tomorrow will be better!

Five Days.

Spring break is five days away.  Unfortunately those five days are going to be rather busy for me.  I'll get off work in an hour and a half (Sundays are slow so I brought my laptop).  Instead of going to sleep, however, roommate #2 will just be getting back around the time I get home.  My guess is she will be very animated and want to stay up talking about her weekend, despite the fact that we both have to be at work by 7:30.  

Tomorrow afternoon my Clarion group is giving our first practice presentation to our advisers.  We haven't actually gotten a chance to go through the presentation as a group, and I'm sure it's going to very rough.  I hope they aren't too hard on us!

Tuesday I have to turn in revisions of my lit review.  This is made more difficult by the fact that my teacher has yet to return our first drafts with notes.  Le sigh.  Wednesday I think I'll have homework due, but since it hasn't been assigned yet, I'm not sure.

Aside from all of this, every spare moment of my time will be spent trying to do some last minute MCAT studying.  I start to have a mini panic attack every time I think about it.  However, after Saturday it will be over.  I'll take Sunday to relax (maybe Monday too) and then get started on all the work that I've been putting off.  Hopefully I'll also start being a better girlfriend.  Boyfriend is super awesome (he even quizzed me on equations while I took a shower last night).  He's working crazy hard too, and  I feel bad that I've been so stressed out and demanding lately.  

Hello narcolepsy!

This week has consisted primarily of me working, studying, and sleeping at inappropriate times.  For instance, Tuesday I got home from work at 11 and sat on the couch to eat lunch.  Then I woke up at three thirty.  Or today, when I woke up five minutes after I was supposed to be at work.  Luckily the worst thing that happened was all the techs had to wait an extra half hour to get coffee.


Last night I did have a little fun.  Not rowdy St. Patrick's day fun, but boyfriend and I went to Avenue Q, which is hilarious.  I had already seen it, but this was boyfriend's first time, and he loved it!


We also bought two new fish, because the internet said guppies are schooling fish that need friends.  We didn't want Fitz to become lonely.  Unfortunately it seems that he was doing just fine on his own, and has started attacking the two new fish.  It got so bad that we took one of them out of the tank so Fitz wouldn't kill it overnight.  Poor little Mitch.  (Also,  if boyfriend and I ever have kids I'm not sure he'll get much input on the names). 


A week from tomorrow MCAT will be over, and all I'll have is Clarion and all the homework I've been putting off.  Which means I'll get to relax sometime in May.... 

Weekend laziness

It feels like I have accomplished nothing this weekend.  I did meet with my group for five hours, and the first half of our presentation is pretty much finished.  But it took me several hours to make a 10 slide presentation for my online nursing class.  I wish my teacher wasn't such a ridiculous grader, then I wouldn't be so worried about it.  I also haven't really started working on the lit review I have due Tuesday night and didn't get any MCAT stuff done.  Oh well.  My college roommate came over and I got to hang out with her and the kitten.  And I bought a new pair of shoes, so my mom will be happy.  Every time I see her she mentions how ragged my sneakers look.  Then I sat around watching television and sleeping a lot.  It was a good day, but now the rest of the week will be much less fun.


Also, boyfriend and I are getting a new roommate tomorrow night.  I hope that doesn't make getting homework done more difficult....

Meeting with the pros

The past few days have been rather busy.  Tuesday, I took the day off work, but spent 10 hours at the hospital shadowing with Nicole.  We started out editing her dictation from the day before, and then looked at slides from 7-10.  She was going through them and explaining what we were looking at.  At one point she told me "you should really be a pathologist.  you did really well on Friday, and you already know everything I'm telling you now."  Around 10, her attending, Dr. Loy came in and we started looking at slides with him.  It was pretty amazing.  He was scrolling through each slide in a few seconds at low power, and could tell whether or not they were normal.  He was nice though, and slowed down to explain things to me.  We finished with him just before noon.  The lunch conference was about frozen sections.  Each resident drew a playing card, and if he called their number, they had to go up to the scope.  They looked at a slide from a recent case (that was also projected for the rest of the residents to see) and make a diagnosis.  It was pretty intense.  If the resident was wrong, Dr. Loy told them where to go back and look in the slide, or gave them the permanent slide to get more information.  

After lunch we went back up to the lab to gross specimen.  It was derm day, so there were several skin biopsies.  Nicole let me do several of the by myself.  There weren't as many large samples as there were on Friday because the OR schedule was light.  However, Nicole had some bones in acid to decalcify, including a tumorous mandible and a femoral head.  Becca was still working with the colon that she had gotten in on Thursday.  She also got part of a foot.  Three toes were attached to the end of the foot still, and several of the metatarsals were included in the container.  Becca also got a gallbladder with cholesterolosis and one large shiny gallstone.  Nicole and I took a sliver of the gallbladder up to the frozen prep room so that she could show me how they make frozen sections for patients that are in surgery.  I was not very good at it.  The blade cuts the section super thin, and you have to pull on the section with constant pressure in order for it to not curl back on itself, but you can't use too much pressure or the section will tear.  I did manage to make a few slides, but they were less than ideal.  Clearly it is a skill that requires practice.  Nicole also told me about med school, and how much she disliked the clinical years since she had already decided to be a pathologist, and to make sure to take personal time during school.


Wednesday, I was supposed to leave for my parent's house right after class, but boyfriend's battery was dead and I had to give him a jump.  Unfortunately, he didn't realize the jump didn't last until I was already on the highway.  Wednesday night was good though, because I was able to hang out with one of my best friends from high school, who I rarely get to see.


This morning I had an  internship interview.  It wasn't so much an interview as an introduction.  They kept saying "when you're here this summer."  I'm not sure I actually want the position or not.  It sounds like a great learning opportunity, but it's unpaid and about three hours from home.  It's only about 20 minutes from my parent's house, which is fine, except that I would have to drive back and forth for work on the weekends, and gas is already crazy expensive.  Not to mention that it's unpaid, and I'm already losing about 800 a month by not working my normal job during the week.  Plus, I think that spending three months at my parent's house would drive me crazy.  I suppose I have a week or so to think it over.  I know several of my friends would be excited that I'd be back at my parent's house and closer to them, but boyfriend would be sad to have me gone all summer.
 

Poor Swarley

Poor Swarley died today.  We were having an ammonia problem in the tank, so we moved the fish to a container with safer water yesterday.  They seemed to improve, and we thought they were in the clear.  Apparently not.  When I got home from work he looked fine, then an hour later he was motionless on the bottom.  Poor boyfriend has never had fish, and he was quite attached.  We went out after classes and bought much larger tank with a filter and heater.  Clearly he wants Fitz to live.  Boyfriend also wants to get several more fish.  I just wanted one fish in my gallon tank, and we're going to end up with a whole school.  It's kind of adorable though.

The internship hunt is getting stressful.  I have an interview for a position back home on Thursday morning.  While not ideal, I thought it was a good option.  Then, I was offered an interview at the health department here in town.  I don't know if I'll have that interview before I have to say yes or no to the one back home.  Furthermore, there is another position in local rural hospitals that would be paid and include travel expenses.  I could live here in town, and be paid to make occasional site visits.  Obviously that would be the number one choice, but I don't want to turn down a sure thing to wait for something that might not work out.  I'm sure I'll have lots of competition for a paid spot.  I should have just entered a program that requires a thesis instead.  A couple hundred pages would be a breeze to finding an unpaid summer job. 

Surgical Path, Day One

Today I shadowed with Nicole, and it was freaking awesome!  She's doing a surgical path rotation.  Basically anything that surgery removes from the body gets sent to histology to be worked up.  As she described "if someone swallows a glove, we get the glove.  if someone sticks a flashlight up their butt, we get the flashlight."  Mostly, though, I think they get specimen to check for cancer in the margins.  She had a few lymph nodes, some mushroom shaped polyps, and "the tiniest prostate ever" before lunch.  She also had a really gross gallbladder.  It was full of dozens and dozens of gallstones, which kind of look like little fishing weights.  There was a stone obscuring the duct.  The organ was really fibrous and tough.


For lunch we had some soup from the doctors lounge (which is also freaking awesome.  someone once made a joke that if you see anyone carrying in good food, it's probably going to the doctor's lounge).  During lunch we listened to a presentation about blood bank adverse reactions given by another of the residents.  All of the residents at the presentation and the pizza party after (for a retiring pathologist) were really nice.  


After lunch, we got several more biopsies, few cervical specimen, and a segment of colon and rectum.  We also got a gangrenous toe.  The tip was black eschar.  Getting entire appendages freaks me out a little, probably because I'm familiar with exactly where it comes from.  Seeing a colon isn't as bad because I don't see them every single day attached to my body.  It's like I know I have one, but I don't have the same visceral reaction as I do to a severed toe.


Nicole let me set up and dictate a prostate needle biopsy and another sample.  The dictation was really stressful, because I was unsure what to say and afraid of making mistakes.  I also watched the two med students (post sophomore fellows) work on their specimen.  Bo had an ascending colon with diverticules and a constriction.  The diverticules were really easy to see.  Bo said usually they get collapsed in the formalin and are hard to see.  He also got a complete mastectomy.  I had never seen anything like it, just a thin layer of recognizable skin over a heap of glands and fat.  Bo showed me the tumor, spherical with a diameter about  the size of a quarter.  Becca, the other medical student, had an entire colon.  She said it was taken out due to chronic constipation.  Apparently when it came in it was packed with fecal matter.  I don't think Becca is going to end up as a pathologist.  Everything seemed to gross her out.  I guess she has two more years though.  Bo mentioned that he doesn't know anyone that still wants to go into the area of medicine they were interested in when starting med school.  


The final thing Nicole did while I was there was a larynx.  It was the whole thing, from the epiglottis to the vocal chords.  Apparently it is an onerous thing to set up, because there are several different regions that have to be sampled.  It is also hard to cut up because of the bones.  Nicole used the bone saw to cut through the hyoid bone.  She took as many sections as she could, and then put the rest in some acid to digest and work on tomorrow.


In order to set up the samples, they slice the tissue and put it into cartridges.  These cartridges are then filled with paraffin, which is sliced really thin and made into slides.  Any margins or identifying segments are inked in different colors.  For example, the prostate was inked black on one half and yellow on the other.  That way, they can keep the slides straight to see if any cancerous areas are bilateral.  When she put several lymph nodes in one cartridge, Nicole inked them all in different colors.  She had me ink the needle biopsy in green.  The tissue is so thin and the same color as the paraffin, so in this case the ink helps the techs setting up the slides see where the sample is.


I'm going to shadow with her again on Tuesday, and since I've gotten the day off work I'll be able to spend all day with her.  We're going to look through slides, so I will be able to see how the gross sectioning actually translates into diagnosis.  


I was only there from 11-5, but I saw so much, and learned a lot.  I told Nicole that I had been interested in Pathology, but that I was starting to lean more toward internal medicine.  She told me that I would "come back over to the right side."  Haha. 

Roomies

I might be getting another roommate.  It would just be for a month, and boyfriend still has to sign off on it.  One of the travelers at work had her contract extended for a month, so her choice is to move in with us or stay in a hotel.  My first instinct is to say yes.  She's nice, and she'll be going home every weekend, so she'll really only be here for about 16 days.  On the other hand, this month is crazy busy and I like my habits the way they are.  It would be interesting though.  I would definitely have to do a little cleaning first.  Apparently other people don't live with random objects strewn around the floor of their entire apartment.  Who knew?

Feeding Time

When I was little I had an angel fish, creatively named Angel, that would eat out of my hand. I would hold a flake at the surface of the water, and it would swim up and get it.  We're training the fish to do the same thing.  Swarley has it down, mainly because he's greedy.  Fitz nibbled at the flake once, but mostly he doesn't even realize it's feeding time until after Swarley has eaten all the food.  Hopefully he'll get the feeding schedule down before he starves.  

Fitz and Swarley

I bought two little orange guppies today. I can't afford to have a real pet like a dog or a cat. Also I'm really bad at taking care of things, so every time I get the urge for a pet I buy a fish.  Either it flourishes and my need for a pet is satisfied, or it does not and I feel so guilty I realize I am not capable of caring for a pet. 

I did my research this time though. I bought a water testing kit and everything. Hopefully, for the sakes of Fitz and Swarley I'm better at caring for a fish than I was in my college dorm room. Having sinks in my house should help, instead of cleaning the tank in the communal utility closet.

Anyway, I'm enjoying watching them zip around the tank, trying to figure out what the heck just happened to them.

Please form line here

Lines make me anxious. I've never been sure why.  Maybe it's because I'm afraid people will be watching me while I stand there. Maybe it's because I'm afraid my friends will get out of line first and leave me behind. Maybe I'm afraid that I'll get stuck next to someone that tries to talk to me, and I won't know what to say and feel awkward. The irony is that I start to feel awkward that I might start feeling awkward. Senior year of high school I had a small bag of goldfish crackers and a V8 splash for lunch everyday. Other people thought I was anorexic. Really I just have weird phobias. This continued through college, where I ate a lot of salads because no one else was in that line. If only this quirk always made me healthier. The other day I made a special effort to go to the gym. I wore exercise clothes to class, which I hate doing, but I was determined. I got to the gym only to discover a long line waiting for the treadmills and bikes, and I turned around and left.